“There's NO TIME, I have to use the banhammer.”
~ Jack BauerThe Banhammer
“My favorite thing next to whiskey (also known as a gun).”
~ Chuck NorrisThe Banhammer
“I remember, once Jack, Chuck, and I once fought over the ban hammer, it was in Japan, I think after the U.S. saw what we did, they took credit for it.”
~ Oscar WildeThe Banhammer
~ [[Captain Crunk]]The Banhammer
Banhammer is a weapon of great power wielded by many of the worlds greatest heroes, such as Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, Oscar Wilde, Captain Crunk, and many others. It has unfortunately been cycled through those 4 people for many generations, since none of them ever die. Some believe it to be a myth, as soon as the idea pops into their head, they are automatically killed with said banhammer, because of the bad-ass qualities it possesses. It has, by some, been called one of the greatest inventions, next to Whiskey. The banhammer was created in 1337 by Yang, one of the holy crunk twins. It was used by him and his brother to clear the streets of primordial Atlanta of whiteys, noobs and policemen alike. From there, the banhammer was passed on down through the ages, occasionally surfacing to smite some gawd-awful noob posting on a helpless forum. This use, in addition to its noob-repulsing powers, landed it a place in the stories of the weapons of legend, right next to the Ark of the Covenant, Excalibur, and the amazingly powerful AK47. The banhammer, not to be confused with the hammer of discipline, was created for the purpose of smiting noobs, however, it has been used for other, more nefarious purposes. Its one-time user, Oscar Wilde, used it to rob from the poor and give to the rich, similar to the Atlantan Hood Robin, a hero from primordial Atlanta. Chuck Norris did in fact use the hammer to smite noobs; however, he later discovered the roundhouse kick and the hammer waited in his closet, quietly gathering dust, until Captain Crunk found the hammer and stole it from the citadel of Chuck Norris, while Norris himself was away attending a wedding. When he got back to his citadel and discovered the hammer missing, he thought about going after Captain Crunk; however, due to the almighty power of his roundhouse kick, he let the good Captain go and bring the hammer back to the Holy Crunk Empire, to vanquish noobs once and for all.
People most likely to be hit with the BanhammerEdit
5. Anybody that has a monocle and is not a snooty Englishman.
6. Anybody whose name, on paper, is any variation on Ricardo Montez (I'm talking to you Richard Montey).
7. Not Bear Grylls.
8. Anybody with the last name Nottingham.
9. People with too many children.
People most likely NOT to be hit with the BanhammerEdit
1. Anybody who has figured out the perfect monologue equation for Darth Sidious (Something+Something+Something+Dark Side= Blockbuster Speech).
2. Darth Vader
3. Tony Danza
4. Stars who have never flashed in public.
5. People with over 70 DUI's.
7. Buzz Killington.
8. (Please place blatant product endorsement here).
9. The IT guys.
10. Captain Planet.