“Me? A Chump! I dare say you are going the right way for a damn good thrashing!”
Hey fool. Why are you looking for chump, fool. Are you sure you weren't looking for Chimp? Or maybe Robert Crumb? If you were, in fact, looking for the article on Chump, you are more than welcome to stay. But if not, GET THE FUCK OFF MY ARTICLE! Maybe catch up on the recent events of Francis Winkler, maybe you need to check on current prices of Chunky Water, or maybe, just maybe, you fucking hate the Bermuda Triangle.
Today, speaking the word Chump in public is considered morally wrong, and is an arrestable offence in Bangladesh, Jamaica and the sheds round the back of Argos where baby Aislyne Figresh was born while Gary was having a wank over a photo of Johnny off of that copper program. If heard to utter the word, even at an almost inaudiable level, a death sentence by mousetrap can be issued on the spot.
Ken Livingston was heard to call his dog a "chump" while sitting inside his house by one of his neighbors. The police were called, but arrived to find Mr Livingston's innards left in and around the toilet. It was confirmed that his dog, Taxi, had ripped Ken's heart out throughhis rear end, and then proceeded to tear his chest open with his teeth. Taxi is still at large, and now every black cab driver is asked to show their licence every time they stop at traffic lights.
The word was once used to describe a dance craze. Many people from all over the world would join together to perform the chump. It required at least 60 people, all of 73 years of age, to strip down, place bananas on their heads and perform a complex combination of breakdance moves to the sound of slow jazz, whilst making sure the banana was still atop their head. The craze soon died down, as clubs began to come down harshly on anyone entering with a banana, who looked close to 73 years old.
Snoop Dogg tried to revive the "chump dance", when he held his bi-annual "Chump Partye". The extra "e" in partye was to appeal to an older generation. He included goody-bags for the guests, which included scrath and sniff dentures, and a limited edition vinyl copy of his new album, "Hip Hop for Hip-Op", a huge commercial failure, praised only by James May from Top Gear, stating the phrase he coined, was to become historical lyric. He constantly reminded himself of this fact, and when he found out he was the only person on the planet to actually pay money for this album, he had a mental breakdown on live childrens television.
Did you know that...Edit
- if the word "chump" is said enough times, in one sentence, in context, it is said that Bill Oddie's head will implode, causing a nuclear fall-out, effectively ending the world?
- chump, chump chump, chump, chump chump chump, chump chump chump chump, chump, chump chump?
- that the above sentence didn't use the word chump in context once?
- the reason Richard Cheese holds that title is because he is referencing to commonly told joke "Dick Cheese"?
- if you didn't realise Richard Cheese means "Dick Cheese", a kitten has died.