The historical rivalry between ninjas and pirates does not exist.


This is not a real photograph. It has obviously been doctored. You can tell by the pixels.

It is a common misconception about ninjas that their natural enemy is the pirate. There is absolutely no truth to this claim. Careful scholarship has revealed that not only do ninjas and pirates have no sort of rivalry whatsoever, but that their feelings toward one another could be best described as "complete lack of awareness."


Pirates and ninjas existed during different historical periodsEdit

Ninjas lived in about 800 CE. They could be best described as disaffected Buddhist rebels who were boring.

Pirates have existed through all recorded history, but the ones you're thinking of lived in about 1600 CE.

See how that doesn't work? See?

Pirates and ninjas lived on different continentsEdit

Ninjas lived exclusively in Japan. Pirates lived everywhere, but the ones you're thinking of were mostly in the Caribbean.

Unless there was some magic time-portal between 9th-century Japan and the 17th-century Caribbean, it would have been impossible for ninjas and pirates to develop a historical rivalry.

Pirates and ninjas could not speak each others' languageEdit

There are no recorded instances in history of conflict between people of two different languages, because a linguistic divide makes insults impossible. Consider these two examples.

Example A

Mark: Hey, Joe, how's it hanging?
Joe: You are an asshole.
Mark: (fucks Joe up).

Example B

Pirate: Arr! Why ye are dressed all in black, ye scurvy luddox?
Ninja: Watashi wa anata o ninjimasu.
Pirate: Yarr! I cannot understand yer speech!
Ninja: Kono wasen wa kowai desune?
Pirate: Arr! I shall be on my merry way.
Ninja: Ja ne!

Test your knowledge!Edit

1. There is a historical rivalry between ninjas and pirates.

A. True
B. False

2. Ninja:Pirate::Dog:

A. Dogcatcher
B. Monkey
C. Vacuum cleaner
D. Trilobite

3. If someone claims that ninjas hate pirates, you should:

A. Nod solemnly.
B. Show him this article.
C. Kick him in the balls.
D. B and C.

4. Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?

A. Ninja
B. Shaft
C. Pirate
D. Bill Cosby

Answer keyEdit

Scroll over the black box for the answers!

1.B 2.D 3.D 4.B